Monday, July 25, 2011
I love my parents
Yesterday, my mom tried to wake me up from my nap by calling me. Literally. As in with a cellphone. While we were both at home. MLIA?
Friday, July 22, 2011
Ah yes, back to the land where...
...everyone (most people) understand me and I understand everyone (mostly).
It's been a crazy six months full of hard, hard lessons and lots of struggles, but it's also been an amazing time of independence and lessons in humility. I've learned that toothpaste and dish detergent are two must-have household items that cure anything from oil stains in your clothes to water burns to clogged toilets (yes, it was quite an adventure trying to unclog my toilet without a plunger, and yes, dish detergent works amazingness) to weird, oily clumps in your hair created from a combination of hard shower water and shampoos/conditioners that leave too much residue (fie on you Pantene Pro-V!). I've also learned that it IS possible to steam frozen buns using a water boiler and the creative use of lids and plastic bags.
But aside from all the obstacles that come from living by myself in a foreign country and basically living hand to mouth (many thanks to the occasional supplemental cash from Daddy when he came to visit!!) for six months, the biggest struggle for me came spiritually. I realized quickly that if my motivation for serving Christ came from anywhere but a changed heart, it's worthless. In some respects, I wanted these six months away from home to be a sort of testing ground, if you will. A test to see, when removed from the spiritual Disneyland that is Grace Community Church and Grace on Campus, whether I would be part of the faithful or if I would be left adrift and aimless without such solid guidance. Unfortunately, I found myself floundering more often than not. The desire to go to church and fellowship with believers warred with that sinful human tendency in me that feared new situations. My resolve to read and study both God's Word and additional works to supplement my understanding gave way to exhaustion. My need to pray was muted by my want to satisfy my physical needs.
And so it went that I was on this rapidly descending spiral that filled me with all sorts of anguish because suddenly I felt this disturbing gulf between myself and my Lord that should not exist in a believer's life.
Thanks be to the Lord on high who is persistent to bring me back into His fold even when I am faithless! Though I struggled and fell more times than I care to count, He was faithful to orchestrate situations so that I would be surrounded by His people. He planned it such that I would have a Christian supervisor at work who would go with me to BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) on Tuesday nights so that we could split the cost and minimize my financial burden. He led to warm sisters in Christ who encouraged me and exhorted me in my weakness to lay my burdens before His feet. He taught me that my strength is nothing compared to His might.
And perhaps this was the greatest reminder of all: for all my faults and all my shortcomings, the Lord has ordained it so that I--even I--am counted righteous before Him because of the terribly wonderful work of Jesus Christ on the cross and His subsequent resurrection. Praise, praise, praise God for the fact that I cannot earn my salvation because I see so very clearly that if it were up to me, I'd be the first one in hell. And while I understand that I've definitely done some backwards slipping during these six months, I can rejoice in the knowledge that He will give me the strength to fight this sinful tendency in me. Repentance and the path to righteousness is difficult, but we are by no means alone on the narrow road. We have the great High Priest, the most effective intermediary on our side. "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need" (Hebrews 4:15-16). And that is so amazing it boggles my mind.
In short, God has used these six months to humble me. I am not as strong as I think I am, but in recognizing my weakness and absolute dependence on God, it gives me even greater strength because that strength is not my own.
"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
- 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
It's been a crazy six months full of hard, hard lessons and lots of struggles, but it's also been an amazing time of independence and lessons in humility. I've learned that toothpaste and dish detergent are two must-have household items that cure anything from oil stains in your clothes to water burns to clogged toilets (yes, it was quite an adventure trying to unclog my toilet without a plunger, and yes, dish detergent works amazingness) to weird, oily clumps in your hair created from a combination of hard shower water and shampoos/conditioners that leave too much residue (fie on you Pantene Pro-V!). I've also learned that it IS possible to steam frozen buns using a water boiler and the creative use of lids and plastic bags.
But aside from all the obstacles that come from living by myself in a foreign country and basically living hand to mouth (many thanks to the occasional supplemental cash from Daddy when he came to visit!!) for six months, the biggest struggle for me came spiritually. I realized quickly that if my motivation for serving Christ came from anywhere but a changed heart, it's worthless. In some respects, I wanted these six months away from home to be a sort of testing ground, if you will. A test to see, when removed from the spiritual Disneyland that is Grace Community Church and Grace on Campus, whether I would be part of the faithful or if I would be left adrift and aimless without such solid guidance. Unfortunately, I found myself floundering more often than not. The desire to go to church and fellowship with believers warred with that sinful human tendency in me that feared new situations. My resolve to read and study both God's Word and additional works to supplement my understanding gave way to exhaustion. My need to pray was muted by my want to satisfy my physical needs.
And so it went that I was on this rapidly descending spiral that filled me with all sorts of anguish because suddenly I felt this disturbing gulf between myself and my Lord that should not exist in a believer's life.
Thanks be to the Lord on high who is persistent to bring me back into His fold even when I am faithless! Though I struggled and fell more times than I care to count, He was faithful to orchestrate situations so that I would be surrounded by His people. He planned it such that I would have a Christian supervisor at work who would go with me to BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) on Tuesday nights so that we could split the cost and minimize my financial burden. He led to warm sisters in Christ who encouraged me and exhorted me in my weakness to lay my burdens before His feet. He taught me that my strength is nothing compared to His might.
And perhaps this was the greatest reminder of all: for all my faults and all my shortcomings, the Lord has ordained it so that I--even I--am counted righteous before Him because of the terribly wonderful work of Jesus Christ on the cross and His subsequent resurrection. Praise, praise, praise God for the fact that I cannot earn my salvation because I see so very clearly that if it were up to me, I'd be the first one in hell. And while I understand that I've definitely done some backwards slipping during these six months, I can rejoice in the knowledge that He will give me the strength to fight this sinful tendency in me. Repentance and the path to righteousness is difficult, but we are by no means alone on the narrow road. We have the great High Priest, the most effective intermediary on our side. "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need" (Hebrews 4:15-16). And that is so amazing it boggles my mind.
In short, God has used these six months to humble me. I am not as strong as I think I am, but in recognizing my weakness and absolute dependence on God, it gives me even greater strength because that strength is not my own.
"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
- 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
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